Love may come easily to us. When it comes to relationships, men and women are wired differently. Men are visual. Women are emotional. To consummate, it does need to be nurtured. If we neglect it, we cannot expect it to stick around or grow stronger. The concern one feels for the other, once it will wholly dissipate.
Finding a true love has never been easy. Leaving someone who proved not to be that elusive individual was never so easy. Relating does seem to have gotten more complicated in the social media age. The more modes of communication and theoretical partners available, the harder it seems to fall in love and marrying or break up and divorce in a way that seems humane.
Nowadays anyone with a smartphone, web page, or social media account can share his or her ideas, issues, livestream every event and in worst case even can transmit smartphone pictures of private matters in a world with more interactive communications to trigger other’s most automatic impulses. As if we are suffering from media viruses. The contagious worm finds its way into our vulnerable minds because of our own conflicted relationship and then penetrates the cultural psyche with operating such engines or gadgets to challenge collectively repressed old anxieties.
It is a commonplace or a hearsay that a man has to be attracted to a woman to stay with her, so the fact that he loves her and is still with her means he is still attracted to her. When a man truly loves a woman, to him she is flawless, beautiful in every way. She is his day-and-night Miss World.
Women are prone to believe that the number one thing men look for is their attractiveness. Also, men have an eye for women of fashion and alluring gestures that make them look cute. Women are expected to be beautiful. Therefore, they go to great and expensive lengths to be such. They diet and exercise. They pluck and wax and primp and lotion. They try to obliterate their facial flaws with primer, concealer, foundation, photofinishing spray etcetera.
But if a man really loves a woman, he thinks she is beautiful. She needs not develop a thick skin. No matter what she does. No matter what she has or does not have, has done or has not done. He would say, “Honey, you don’t need to wear make-up. You’re naturally beautiful. You look good even in a garbage bag or in rags.” The woman becomes his archetype. His goddess. Sense of humor is often the number one thing that women look for in potential mates. Women often overlook a lot of physical imperfections for personality assets, especially if they are in love.
The internet age and hence social media have dictated a different mode of romantic communication, changed human behavior. It has transformed expectations about everything from falling in love to marrying or breaking up to divorce. The digital age has offered so many modes of communication that makes breakup —a term coined by younger generation — or divorce as haunting nightmarish episodes. Lovers are getting dumped via text messages without face-to-face or heart-to-heart tete-a-tete meetings about wanting to be apart. Even a one-paragraph email is not sent explaining the breaking up reasons. Ending affairs by text or terse mail is any way not the nicest.
The last few years have showed us that far worse situation has come. It has become even more problematic. New modes of disengagement have developed, most notably, ghosting, also known as the ultimate silent treatment. One drops out of other’s life altogether, stops sending or answering messages, disappears with no explanation. It was not impossible to do in the past but it was a lot harder when the person one loved was a human whose paths he or she likely crossed regularly, rather than an online entity.
Ghosting seems the most impersonal and cowardly way of breaking up or taking part. The other brothers are the aero plankton microorganism coined as orbiter, master of peripheral activity, who hangs around one’s internet presence without committing or even directly announcing themselves. Orbiting has never existed before the dawn of digital age. Distant methods of digital observation—likes, loves, views, wows and comments at one’s Facebooks posts are what binds the orbiter and the orbited.
Breaking up has also changed for those who get through dating and marriage, and then end up divorcing. If one is going to dump someone, he or she should at least do it the old-timey way. One should meet the others and also with their kith and kin and explain how they are really great and deserve someone better.
So, when one loves someone, he or she does not suffice just telling them, he or she should show her or him his or her love as well. Nobody is perfect. We do not need to pretend that we are. We must apologize when we do something wrong and make amends. We ought to be honest in our relationship without playing games, lying, or manipulating. Be faithful without cheating or flirting.
We must make time for each other where we should give our undivided attention. Listen each other when we speak. We should have mutual respect and understanding. Take good care of mate. Speak kindly with each other. We must have mutual trust. Express our gratitude to each other. One can confront problems of the other rather than seeing him or her as the problem.
We all must understand that love may be unconditional, but the relationship is not. We should no way tolerate any kind of abuse or exploitation. One should not let his or her partner to use him or her. One should avoid attempts to make his or her mate be who one needs. We should not make our spouses feel bad for not being what he or she needs. We need not hurt each other by trying not to hurt each other.
We must encourage each other’s interests and dreams. And champion spouses’ dreams come true. We should laugh together. And Support each other’s growth.
দিনলিপির আজকের পৃষ্টায় হয়তোবা কেউ ইতিমধ্যেই লিখে ফেলেছেন বিশ্ববিশ্রুত ফার্সি মহাকবি “লিসান-উল-গায়েব” “তর্জমান-উল-আসরার” বা ”বুলবুল-ই-শিরাজ” শামসুদ্দিন মোহাম্মদ হাফিজ এর —”শাখ-ই-নবাৎ” নামক কোনো ইরানী সুন্দরীর স্তবগানে মুখরিত — জগদ্বিখ্যাত দুটি চরণ: প্রাণ যদি মোর দেয় ফিরিয়ে তুর্কী সওয়ার মনচোরা/প্রিয়ার মোহন চাঁদ কপোলের/একটি কালো তিলের লাগি বিলিয়ে দেব সমরকান্দ ও রত্নখচা এ বোখারা।
বা বাংলার প্রথম মহিলা কবি চন্দ্রাবতীর দুটি চরন: তোমারে দেখিব আমি নয়ন ভরিয়া/ তোমারে লইব আমি হৃদয়ে তুলিয়া।
অথবা গাইছেন, …আমি জানি তুমি মোর প্রিয়তম/সুন্দর তনুময়/জগৎ তোমার পায়ে পড়ে আছে/তুমি এসে কেন কাঁদো মোর কাছে?/ হে বিজয়ী, আমার বিজয়ী/আমি শুধু জানি/তুমি হার মানি/আমারে করেছ জয়/কত যে বিপুল মহিমা তোমার জানিতে দিয়ো না প্রিয়/জনমে জনমে প্রিয়া বলে মোরে বক্ষে তুলিয়া নিয়ো/প্রভাত-সূর্য্যে ভরি দু’নয়ন/বিশ্ব-প্রনাম করি গো যখন/হেরি প্রিয়তম তুমি যে রয়েছো ছড়ানো ভূবনময়।
বা লিখেছেন কবি অমিয় চক্রবর্তীর দু চার চরন: আমি যেন বলি, আর তুমি যেন শোন/জীবনে জীবনে তার শেষ নেই কোনো/দিনের কাহিনী কত, রাত চন্দ্রাবলী/মেঘ হয়, আলো হয়, কথা যাই বলি/…তুমি যেন বল, আর, আমি যেন শুনি/প্রহরে-প্রহরে যায় কল্পজাল বুনি/…মানুষের প্রাণে তবু অনন্ত ফাল্গুনী/তুমি যেন বল, আর, আমি যেন শুনি ।